They say records are meant to be broken. So this week, I
did.
To be fair, it isn’t technically a record. Just a bit of
self-imposed criteria. The ‘record’ I broke is length of time between posts on
this blog. There’s a good chance you hadn’t noticed. There’s an equally good
chance you welcomed the reprieve from more bloggish noise. Whatever your
perspective, my recent trek in the blogging desert sparked some reflection.
But while I was musing, life surged on. In some ways, it ran
me over. Seems every waking moment these days is spoken for. Silence, solitude
and rest are conspicuously absent. And what’s strange is that even with life’s
tire tracks on my back, I crave more of what’s crushing me. I want to know. I
want to experience. I must respond—now. I’m hypnotically drawn to the false
energy of busyness.
It can be easy to get wrapped in culture’s paradigm of 140
character bursts. To feast on bits of disjointed conversation like a whale eating
krill. There’s a non-stop banquet out there that leaves consumers curiously
hungry. It’s an addictive paradox—one that’s nipping at my heels. One that
shows, along with my record breaking, that I am a victim of my own lusts. Frederick
Buechner was right: “Lust is the craving for salt of a person who
is dying of thirst.”
I sure have been thirsty lately. But I keep eating the potato
chips.
And the more I eat, the less satisfied I feel. I munch and
crunch as I battle the urgent. The ‘tyranny of now’ cleverly confuses my needs and
desires. Life slips into maintenance mode as I settle for easy, comfortable and
quick. Priorities are dictated by energy level and meeting reminders. The cycle
of days blurs. And before I know it, I’m breaking records.
My record breaking didn’t bring a moment of celebration. There
were no cameras or interviews. What it brought was an eye-opening collision
with reality. The reality of potato chip crumbs on the front of my shirt and
the burn of salt on my lips.
I can’t deny the disappointment I feel in not meeting my own
expectations – with timely blogging or anything else. But my disappointments
are opportunities to expose my lusts. To admit unhealthy cravings. My recent
reflections exposed some ugly things. But sometimes I need ugly to recognize
beautiful.
I’d like to put the chip clip on the bag more often. To rest
in my God who’s ‘steady as He goes.’ A God who wants me to be just, merciful
and humble (Micah 6:8). The lusts of life will beckon. And if I’m not careful, I
might find myself eating chips all day then wondering why I’m so doggone
thirsty.
Good stuff - thanks for the honest reflection.
ReplyDeleteWay too much of my life at times is about doing whatever it takes to feel good about myself, and when I don't get it all done, or I don't feel as self-content as I should, then I'm angry at anyone and anything that obstructed my progress. Now there is a formula for loving well. Thanks for the encouragement to rest, trust and not measure life by what are often self-serving accomplishments.